In my eyes I was becoming a kick butt Administrative Assistant an obedient daughter, a good fiance', and had ever intention of becoming "My Ultimate Me" the kind of girl who is just beautiful inside and out, the girl who everyone looks at and says wow she is such a great girl, sweet, kind, helpful, smart, clean, spiritual, thoughtful, happy, an amazing kick butt wife, a good friend, a great daughter or sister etc.
When I was asked to think about "Who I was becoming" to be honest I was offended at first. My first thought was "What, am I not being good enough for you?" "Am I doing something wrong?" "Who are you to ask me that?" and after some explanation from that individual and some more talking things started to become a little more clear to me at why I was being asked that very question.
I have been looking at life like it is a big huge check list:
This has become my daily routine/schedule and what I'm suddenly coming to realize is that I'm in a rut where in my mind I'm thinking:
"Wow, I am just kicking butt, I get everything I need to done and then some."
While I was doing all those good things, I lost the small yet important meaningful things that would make that "Ultimate Me".
Yes I went to work everyday but while I was at work, was I helpful? Was I kind? Did I try to help someone Else's day go smoother? Was I happy about it? Was I an example to those around me? Did I keep my standards? Did I make sure that those I love know that I love them?
These are the questions I need to be asking myself at the end of the day; not Did I get all the billing done? Did I make sure the orders all got shipped out that should have? Did I make sure that office order was done? Will I have time after work to get everything done and still spend time with Rob? and the list goes on and on.
I can compare life to how I see the ocean when I'm on scuba diving trips.
All I can see at first is the surface, it's rough, it's exciting, it's confusing, scary and it has it's occasional surprises like Dolphins or Whales but when I put on scuba diving gear and I get in the water, there is just so much more to it than you see on just the surface it's almost indescribable. There are so many different fishes, beautiful reefs and just such a variety of things that make up an ocean that you would never know unless you went down under and explored it extensively. It's a completely different world down there with so much more to it than you would ever know just looking at the surface.
The other day I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror and this is what I saw. My brown eyes, my Black hair piled on top of my head, some light eyeshadow, blush, mascara, eye liner, a cute stripped shirt, and some cute jeans.
The longer I looked the more I began to just see a girl, who just wants to reach for the stars. Who wants to be the most amazing wife, kind, charitable, spiritual, smart, sensitive, understanding, fun loving, positive girl. Who just wants to make sure she is doing all the right things and for the right reasons, who wants to become more than she ever thought she could become. Just like the ocean, had I not really taken a good look at myself and stared deep into what is really truly me right now. Maybe I would have never seen all those small but many things that make me and I would never have known in time what changes I need to start making before somethings may just be too difficult to change for the better.
So while I sat there and stared at myself I asked myself how I become all of those things that I want to become and achieve all those things that I want to achieve?
First off I need to be more confident in myself and just trust myself and trust that I will make the right decision ultimately and that if I do everything that I can things will work out how they should. Not only should I be trusting myself though and having confidence in myself but also in other people.
I know I need to stop looking at just the surface and get a little deeper. Be more willing to just be myself and not stress or worry about those things that aren't important but look at the small things that maybe right now in the heat of things don't make a difference but later on they add up and make a huge difference.
Becoming that "Ultimate Me" obviously isn't going to be an easy task for me to do and it can constantly change. There will be things that I want more to accomplish or things that I want to become; it will take a lot of time and I'm not going to be perfect at this; sometimes I will get swept away in the waves of life and get sidetracked but I know that if I stay true to the things that I know and if I just believe in myself and those that are close to me that I love I will become the best person I can be. Maybe I won't be perfect in this life, but I can strive to become "My Ultimate Me".
- Get Up in the Morning- Check
- Say my morning prayers- Check
- Get Ready- Check
- Go to work- Check
- Run any errands after work- Check
- Go Home- Check
- Spend time with the future Hubby :)- Check
- Make it home for curfew- Check
- Say evening prayers- Check
- Read scriptures- Check
- Go to sleep- Check
- Repeat
This has become my daily routine/schedule and what I'm suddenly coming to realize is that I'm in a rut where in my mind I'm thinking:
"Wow, I am just kicking butt, I get everything I need to done and then some."
While I was doing all those good things, I lost the small yet important meaningful things that would make that "Ultimate Me".
Yes I went to work everyday but while I was at work, was I helpful? Was I kind? Did I try to help someone Else's day go smoother? Was I happy about it? Was I an example to those around me? Did I keep my standards? Did I make sure that those I love know that I love them?
These are the questions I need to be asking myself at the end of the day; not Did I get all the billing done? Did I make sure the orders all got shipped out that should have? Did I make sure that office order was done? Will I have time after work to get everything done and still spend time with Rob? and the list goes on and on.
I can compare life to how I see the ocean when I'm on scuba diving trips.
All I can see at first is the surface, it's rough, it's exciting, it's confusing, scary and it has it's occasional surprises like Dolphins or Whales but when I put on scuba diving gear and I get in the water, there is just so much more to it than you see on just the surface it's almost indescribable. There are so many different fishes, beautiful reefs and just such a variety of things that make up an ocean that you would never know unless you went down under and explored it extensively. It's a completely different world down there with so much more to it than you would ever know just looking at the surface.
The other day I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror and this is what I saw. My brown eyes, my Black hair piled on top of my head, some light eyeshadow, blush, mascara, eye liner, a cute stripped shirt, and some cute jeans.
The longer I looked the more I began to just see a girl, who just wants to reach for the stars. Who wants to be the most amazing wife, kind, charitable, spiritual, smart, sensitive, understanding, fun loving, positive girl. Who just wants to make sure she is doing all the right things and for the right reasons, who wants to become more than she ever thought she could become. Just like the ocean, had I not really taken a good look at myself and stared deep into what is really truly me right now. Maybe I would have never seen all those small but many things that make me and I would never have known in time what changes I need to start making before somethings may just be too difficult to change for the better.
So while I sat there and stared at myself I asked myself how I become all of those things that I want to become and achieve all those things that I want to achieve?
First off I need to be more confident in myself and just trust myself and trust that I will make the right decision ultimately and that if I do everything that I can things will work out how they should. Not only should I be trusting myself though and having confidence in myself but also in other people.
I know I need to stop looking at just the surface and get a little deeper. Be more willing to just be myself and not stress or worry about those things that aren't important but look at the small things that maybe right now in the heat of things don't make a difference but later on they add up and make a huge difference.
Becoming that "Ultimate Me" obviously isn't going to be an easy task for me to do and it can constantly change. There will be things that I want more to accomplish or things that I want to become; it will take a lot of time and I'm not going to be perfect at this; sometimes I will get swept away in the waves of life and get sidetracked but I know that if I stay true to the things that I know and if I just believe in myself and those that are close to me that I love I will become the best person I can be. Maybe I won't be perfect in this life, but I can strive to become "My Ultimate Me".
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