The Unexpected

"Just because it's not what you were expecting, doesn't mean it's not everything you've been waiting for..."

When I was 15 I had this plan for my life. I was going to be 25 and unmarried, working a full time job, I was going to have my own little house with a white picket fence and blue shutters, I was going to have my very own puppy, and I was going to have a cute red car. That is what I had envisioned for myself and that was what I was dead set on having.
I'm now 19 and obviously that plan for my life has changed quite a bit. I'm happily engaged to my very best friend, getting ready to get married, working a full time job, preparing an apartment to live in with my new hubby and learning very slowly that life is much more complicated than I ever thought it could be, while at the same time it has been much more exciting and much more fulfilling as well.

When I first met Rob I was 17 he was 25, we work together and that's where I met him. Now he doesn't believe this but at first I did not like him at all. He was cocky, somewhat rude, and liked to flirt with me even though at the time I had a boyfriend, and as it was that I was 17 year old jail bait I didn't have a thought in my mind to date this guy. He drove me crazy, but a few months later I ended my two year relationship and just continued on with life.

My dislike for Rob became into more of an annoyance. I was so used to having boys just drop at my feet, and Rob didn't do that with me. He was something I had not expected, and he was something that was somewhat of a frustration to me. I did not understand why he would flirt but then not give me the time of day.
In late October he asked me out on a date. Since I wasn't old enough to date him yet it was sort of a big secret and in a weird way a joke. My parents were out of town so I said yes and off we went. He took me to Nightmare on 13th and we had a good time. I was nervous out of my mind but we had a surprisingly awesome time and I really enjoyed being with him. After that first date for a straight week I kept hanging out with him, and I quickly fell for this guy. But for whatever reason it scared me, and after that straight week of being with him he took off on a long trip to South America, while he was gone I found myself I new boyfriend who was my age and super disposable, because that was what I was comfortable with. That relationship didn't last more than two weeks, and shortly after I found myself gravitating back to Rob. I just couldn't help but like him, he was sweet, funny, fun, and basically everything I wasn't.
In December he took me out took me one night out to his home town in Salem and took me out to the pond to look at the Christmas lights out there. As we stood on the bridge over the pond, I remember him kissing me, and during that one kiss it hit me that I was going to marry this guy. Now at the moment I was okay with it, I wasn't even 18 yet but at that moment I felt good about it and sort of go a little excited inside.
January rolled around and my parents found out about Rob's and My relationship. I spent  a good three months grounded, and had all that time to sit and think about everything. And to be honest I got scared again. This guy was messing with my life long plan and my parents made sure to let me know that. I wasn't going to be 25 and unmarried, I wasn't going to have my cute little house or my little red car, and I just second guessed my thoughts back in December. So when my 18th birthday came around I had finally been ungrounded and given my freedom back. With that three months of thinking and reflecting I got scared and decided it would be best for me to give dating other boys my age a try, in my mind they were disposable, easy to date, and I was just in my comfort zone with that. There was no chance of serious commitment too early, I could still have everything I wanted out of life and it was predictable.
For six months I dated another co worker of mine Devin. We starting dating in March right after my 18th birthday and then he left on his mission in September. We hit it off instantly, and became quick friends. He was fun and I really enjoyed talking to him and going out to do stuff with him. But in my heart I knew deep down he was only a friend. I dated a few other boys off and on while I hung out with Devin but mostly I spent time with him and his family.


So six months flew by, Rob and I still stayed friends but we never did more than talk at work in passing. Over six months I did grow close to my co worker, but I didn't fall "In love with him" I'm not going to deny that I did develop feeling for him but I knew I wasn't going to marry him. Although over the six months things had been so magical that I didn't want to lose that in my life. So I hung on to him. The rare thing about Devin and I was the way our families just worked and how much they liked each other. Not only did our siblings get along but also the parents. It's really rare that two families with children dating get along as well as our families did. My parents were super happy with the situation and they were also happy with me and they LOVED Devin, which made me happy but I missed Rob. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't wonder what he was up to or wondered if he even thought about me or thought about me at all or if we were done for good. There also wasn't a day that went by that I didn't have to remind myself that I liked Devin, and that I had to talk myself into not texting Rob or trying to go see Rob. I stayed faithful to Devin literally but my heart just wasn't all the way into it. I had to fight against myself to hang onto that approval from my family.
So Devin left on his mission and I just didn't want to let go of that magical feeling but I knew I couldn't keep it up for much longer and I knew the consequences that would follow. I knew it would be ugly but I couldn't deny my heart what it really wanted. So I fought it as long as I could, about a month and a half after Devin left Rob and I decided it was time to talk and get things figured out. He was ready to just be done with me and I knew I had only one shot to try to get him re interested. Obviously that talk went well and we started to date again.

My parents were far from happy about it, but I decided it was time for me to do what I really wanted and make myself happy. Since I have made that decision Rob and I have just fallen into place. Our relationship just took off and slowly my family has had to catch up to it all and accept it.

It's been a really rough road but it's also been worth it. Through all of it, I have grown closer to Rob and he is just my ultimate best friend. He is everything I could ever want. He is kind, loving, takes good care of me, always thinks of me and is considerate of me, he gives me all the confidence in the world, he has never given me a reason to not trust him, he forgives me instantly for any wrongs I do, he loves me no matter what, he's patient with me, he makes me want to be a better person, I know I can tell him anything, I want to tell him everything, he helps me understand myself better, he's selfless, he's fun, loves life, and tries to live it to the fullest, he tends to pull out my better sides to me, but also my worst, and I could just go on and on.
I hear people say that Rob isn't what they would have expected me to date let alone marry. Whether it's because of how he looks or how he talks or what he does for work or whatever. He may not be what everyone expects, but he is everything I have been waiting for.
Things have been rough and not what I would have ever expected out of my life, but it all has been everything I have been waiting for.
And that's a life lesson that will always stay true to itself no matter how you spin it.

"Just because it's not what you were expecting, doesn't mean it's not everything you've been waiting for..."

Becoming My Ultimate Me

A few days ago I was asked by someone very close to me to consider: "Who I was becoming". That thought has run through my mind over the past few days.
In my eyes I was becoming a kick butt Administrative Assistant an obedient daughter, a good fiance', and had ever intention of becoming "My Ultimate Me" the kind of girl who is just beautiful inside and out, the girl who everyone looks at and says wow she is such a great girl, sweet, kind, helpful, smart, clean, spiritual, thoughtful, happy, an amazing kick butt wife, a good friend, a great daughter or sister etc.

When I was asked to think about "Who I was becoming" to be honest I was offended at first. My first thought was "What, am I not being good enough for you?" "Am I doing something wrong?" "Who are you to ask me that?" and after some explanation from that individual and some more talking things started to become a little more clear to me at why I was being asked that very question.

I have been looking at life like it is a big huge check list:

• Get Up in the Morning- Check
• Say my morning prayers- Check
• Get Ready- Check
• Go to work- Check
• Run any errands after work- Check
• Go Home- Check
• Spend time with the future Hubby :)- Check
• Make it home for curfew- Check
• Say evening prayers- Check
• Read scriptures- Check
• Go to sleep- Check
• Repeat

This has become my daily routine/schedule and what I'm suddenly coming to realize is that I'm in a rut where in my mind I'm thinking:
"Wow, I am just kicking butt, I get everything I need to done and then some."
While I was doing all those good things, I lost the small yet important meaningful things that would make that "Ultimate Me".
Yes I went to work everyday but while I was at work, was I helpful? Was I kind? Did I try to help someone Else's day go smoother? Was I happy about it? Was I an example to those around me? Did I keep my standards? Did I make sure that those I love know that I love them?
These are the questions I need to be asking myself at the end of the day; not Did I get all the billing done? Did I make sure the orders all got shipped out that should have? Did I make sure that office order was done? Will I have time after work to get everything done and still spend time with Rob? and the list goes on and on.
I can compare life to how I see the ocean when I'm on scuba diving trips.
All I can see at first is the surface, it's rough, it's exciting, it's confusing, scary and it has it's occasional surprises like Dolphins or Whales but when I put on scuba diving gear and I get in the water, there is just so much more to it than you see on just the surface it's almost indescribable. There are so many different fishes, beautiful reefs and just such a variety of things that make up an ocean that you would never know unless you went down under and explored it extensively. It's a completely different world down there with so much more to it than you would ever know just looking at the surface.
The other day I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror and this is what I saw. My brown eyes, my Black hair piled on top of my head, some light eyeshadow, blush, mascara, eye liner, a cute stripped shirt, and some cute jeans.
The longer I looked the more I began to just see a girl, who just wants to reach for the stars. Who wants to be the most amazing wife, kind, charitable, spiritual, smart, sensitive, understanding, fun loving, positive girl. Who just wants to make sure she is doing all the right things and for the right reasons, who wants to become more than she ever thought she could become. Just like the ocean, had I not really taken a good look at myself and stared deep into what is really truly me right now. Maybe I would have never seen all those small but many things that make me and I would never have known in time what changes I need to start making before somethings may just be too difficult to change for the better.
So while I sat there and stared at myself I asked myself how I become all of those things that I want to become and achieve all those things that I want to achieve?
First off I need to be more confident in myself and just trust myself  and trust that I will make the right decision ultimately and that if I do everything that I can things will work out how they should. Not only should I be trusting myself though and having confidence in myself but also in other people.
I know I need to stop looking at just the surface and get a little deeper. Be more willing to just be myself and not stress or worry about those things that aren't important but look at the small things that maybe right now in the heat of things don't make a difference but later on they add up and make a huge difference.
Becoming that "Ultimate Me" obviously isn't going to be an easy task for me to do and it can constantly change. There will be things that I want more to accomplish or things that I want to become; it will take a lot of time and I'm not going to be perfect at this; sometimes I will get swept away in the waves of life and get sidetracked but I know that if I stay true to the things that I know and if I just believe in myself and those that are close to me that I love I will become the best person I can be. Maybe I won't be perfect in this life, but I can strive to become "My Ultimate Me".

The Circle of Life

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants. 
At age 12 success is having friends. 
At age 16 success is having a drivers license. 
At age 20 success is having sex. 
At age 35 success is having money. 
At age 50 success is having money. 
At age 60 success is having sex. 
At age 70 success is having a drivers license. 
At age 75 success is having friends. 
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.


Funny how things tend to repeat themselves, wether we like it or not! :P

Life Sure Comes At You Fast

Life really does fly right on by. Sometimes when I lay down to go to sleep I try to remember everything that happened that day and I just can't. There are days I would just love to sit back and just let life go right on by, but I know I'll miss out on so much if I do.
I look back on what has happened in the past few years and I'm just amazed at how much has transpired. In the past three years. I have gone through high school, I graduated early got some college in and have held a steady full time job since I was 16. After I graduated I spent a summer with friends and had a lot of good times, took some fun trips, did some crazy things. Fall time and went and as soon as the new year hit I moved out for the first time. All on my own and feeling good. Soon after that I became engaged to my very best friend and have since been so excited to embark on a new adventure with him on September 23rd 2011. :)
So many things have happened and sooo many lessons have been learned. I have made some great decisions and I have also made some very very poor ones, but all in all I have learned and grown from them and hope to continue on with that as life goes on. :)
In a little less than six weeks I'm about to take THE biggest step of my life. Six weeks is going to FLY right on by. And soon I'm going to be wondering where all that time to get ready for the wedding went. While I'm way ahead of schedule on all the mechanics of the wedding, I might not be fully prepared for what is to come after but I know that it won't be anything that he and I can't handle. Of course it won't be easy, but what in life is?
Life can be such a frightening thing when it is coming so quickly. Every day brings more and more challenges but on the flip side it also brings more and more Happiness.

I hope that as my life goes on that I can take it as it is and just learn to be happy no matter what and just keep going. The following quote is one that I fell in love with when I first saw it and I think that I should try to incorporate that into my life the best I can.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.